Wednesday 16 July 2014

Getting on a bit...

It was my birthday recently. A fun filled blog post will be up shortly, but for now I'm going to depress you lot with these few ramblings.

As each year passes me by (more quickly than I like to think of), I realize that the closer I get to the big 3-0 the more expectations people have for my life and me. I'm no longer considered a carefree, early twenties, bundle of energy and optimism; I'm single, I'm still still living at home, I'm childless and I'm basically the definition of a wannabe spinster. 

Though I’m not on the shelf just yet, family, friends and even society give this overall daunting impression that at this age I need to start thinking about settling down, buying houses and making babies, because that’s what we’re supposed to do, right? I’m getting older, so technically this is my right of passage.

I have to admit, it’s a little bit daunting and depressing.

Like many of you, I still feel like an awkward, shy, odd teenager who has no clue what they want in life. The only difference now is I’m ten years older and I have to pay bills, act responsibly and pretend as if I have a clue what I’m doing. When my mum was my age she was married, had bought a house, owned 2 cars and had a baby on the way! That’s a lot to live up to right? In my mind, I feel like I’m getting on a bit and I don’t really have too much to show for it. I don’t even have a driving license yet!

I’m fully aware that times have changed but when I was a kid I had this idealistic view that when I turned 28 I would have everything my mum had but I’m not even close to that yet. 
Don’t get me wrong, this isn't necessarily a bad thing! I don’t particularly want to get married any time soon and kids? Well, I’m sure I can hold off on those for another few years. But where does that leave me and so many others now? What do we do if we don’t want/have these things just yet or maybe ever? How do we explain to people that we're genuinely just happy on our own? How do we articulate to society that being alone is A-OK?

Don’t get me wrong, if you are in a relationship, married, have or want kids, that’s cool too! They sound like wonderful things! But realistically not all of us want/have them just yet but still are questioned as to why we haven’t succeeded in getting those social milestones.

Say that you’ve been in a long term relationship; people begin to wonder why you’re not living together? Why you haven’t bought a house together? Why are you not engaged yet? Why aren’t you having babies yet? Etc...There's so much pressure for older couples! What happens if they don't want any of those things? What happens if they're happy living by their own dynamic?

Yet if you’re single you’re met with a chorus of ‘Aw, don't worry, you’ll find someone!’.

What happens if I don't want to find somebody?! What happens if I'm happy eating a block of cheese to myself and not having to share it with anyone?! Hey?! Ever thought of that?!

I’ve also been thinking about men (cheeky)...

There are not many times I feel sympathy for the male species but around this age they must feel a lot is expected of them. Say you’ve been with a girl for a few years, yeah, of course you love her, there's no doubting that but all of sudden you hit this age where everyone is questioning why you haven’t popped the question? That must be quite a burden? And surely if these gents feel pressurized into popping the ultimate question, it's all rather forced and not necessarily a organic thought process...  

This is getting rather deep…

Personally, instead of settling down, buying a house in the country, popping out kids and starting a football team, I’d rather travel or buy a house on my own and continue my spinster life contently but that's kind of frowned upon.

I know I’ve rambled a lot, but if you’ve got anything from this splurge of words my conclusion is the following:

Instead of worrying about what other people are doing (or have done) and feeling like you need to compare yourself to everyone around you, you just do you, boo boo. 

Just because you’ve reached a certain age, don’t feel expected to do certain things. Even if you’re in a long term relationship, don’t offer up marriage because you think that’s what you should do. Be true to yourself and your partner! And if you're alone and single, that's fine too! Go on and enjoy the fact that you don't have to share a bed with someone, wash other peoples underwear or give away your last rolo. Being single is fine, normal and most importantly, allowed! Don't feel obliged to go on dating sites or to hunt out your next boyfriend (victim) just because you're the only single gal in your group.  

Whether you want to travel around the world, sit on your arse and be alone, start a family, have kids, adopt or become a mad cat lady (I’m half way there), we’ve just got to live our own lives and ignore the expectations around us! Instead ask yourself, what do I want? 

Age is just a number and even though a lot of people think I should be heading for the alter and the estate agents someday soon, I’d rather just carry on as I am. Maybe sometime in the future once I’ve had some adventures, I might finally find the man of my dreams and pop out a few sprogs. Until then, I don’t want to force a Disney movie ending just yet; I’d rather it happen on its own and in its own time, even if I am getting on a bit…

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