10 Tinder Turn Offs

I’ve done a (hilarious*) post about online dating before which you can find here. However, I wanted to vent my frustration once again and list 10 things that men do on online dating that really, really, bugs me.

Side note: This is all tongue in cheek. If you get offended by it, this blog is not for you and I suggest you never look at the internet ever again. Ever. 

*May not actually be hilarious. No refunds. No returns. 

Girls in Photos

Ok, so, for the record I’m not a jealous kind of gal. Have your girl mates, go have fun with them. I’m secretly hoping they will tell you what a great catch I am, that I’m a keeper and I will some how end up BFF’s with your girl mates and we can all live happily ever after. However, if you’re trying to get to know someone via online dating, the last thing I want to see is a girl sitting on your lap with your arms around her waist. Surely you have other photos you could use? Did you really think this one was a good choice? Why?! Which leads me on to my next point…

Ex-girlfriends in photos

You know it’s the ex-girlfriend in the picture when the backdrop is of a famous landmark, their faces are smushed together but you can only see 3/4 of her blurred out face. She has been unceremoniously cropped out and quite poorly. You can see she has one green eye, brownish hair and half a smile but honestly, could you not find another picture to use, love? Is the photo of you standing in front of the Eiffel tower, with half the face of your ex Mrs really the best photo you have? 

*swipes left*

Artsy photos

Yeah, great. You’re so cultured and cool. So mysterious and deep. All of your photos are of the back of your head, somewhat blurry or you're standing 13,000 ft away from the camera. But they all have the same theme...I can’t see your face in any of your bloody photos! 

*swipes left*

Men who lie about their age

Simon. Age 32.

Absolutely not. Nooooooo way. There is no way in hell that you are 32! Add another twenty years on and we may have a deal. But no. Just. No. Stop clogging up my Tinder feed you cheeky git and get back to playing darts down your local pub with Dave and Terry. Good lad.

Profiles with the same photo over & over & over again

If you have uploaded the same photo 5 times, you’re clearly an idiot and I have no desire to marry and reproduce with you.

*swipes left*

Swearing in photos

This is probably the most unattractive thing a guy can do on his online dating profile. I’m no prude and I personally think a well placed swear word, executed at the right time can be quite comical. However, whilst you’re sitting there giving me the middle finger via your profile picture, believe it or not, the first thing that pops into my mind isn't ‘Wow. What a charismatic, charming, gentleman this young man is. I can’t wait to show Mother and Father these photos so we can organise the wedding pronto’, I’m thinking ‘You're an idiot’.

*swipes left*.

‘If you swipe right, make sure you actually talk’

1. Don’t tell me what to do - I'm a rebel

2. Great idea but how about we scrap it and you just talk to me first?

3. Um. How 'bout no? 

*swipes left*

Married men

Seriously, this is a thing. Married men, openly admitting their married and in open relationships but looking to find a girlfriend for 'fun on the side' (shudders). All I can say is, you greedy bastards. Here’s me, alone and single, finding it hard to find ANY suitable man, whilst you, Mr Casanova Mc Stud Muffin has not only found a woman to marry, you now want a girlfriend as well! How dare you ruin the holy sanctity of Tinder. How very dare you. 

The ‘Only 1 photo’ profile

If you have one photo on your profile you are one of the following things:

A fake account

A murderer

But if you’re genuinely neither of the above, you’re just a plain old idiot. 

GET SOME MORE PHOTOS! 

*swipes left*

Not mentioning your height

Fella’s. I’m not asking for your bank details. I don’t want to know how much you earn a year. Christ, I don’t even want to know if your big feet really does mean you have a big *ahem*. I just want to know how tall you are. Is that too much to ask? Why is it so secretive?! 

Well. That's my ranting done (for now). Can anyone else relate to this or am I being really, really picky and hard to please? (Probably the latter).

Good luck if you are currently trying to online dating scene and if you're happily in a relationship...I'm so happy for you...

(Trying to be genuine is really hard)