Friday 12 February 2016

Single on Valentines Day

Now, I’d like to consider myself a bit of a strong and independent woman who doesn’t need any man to make her feel happy or complete her but I can understand why some people may feel a little lonely around Valentines Day.

But hey, as a single gyal myself, I thought I’d let you know what I will and won’t be doing this Valentine’s Day in hope to round up the troops of fellow singletons.

I will be sleeping in. As I have no one to surprise with breakfast in bed or no special someone to get up and see, you better your bottom dollar I’ll turning all alarms off and staying in the land of nod for a few extra hours, undisturbed, in my own bed, all to myself. Heaven.

I will be treating myself. The way I look at it is that I would usually be spending a small fortune on my significant other on Valentine’s Day as the meal, a few small gifts and maybe even a day out quickly adds up. So as I’m alone this year, I’ve decided that instead of showering someone else with gifts, I’ll shower myself with them instead and I.can’t.wait.

I will eat whatever I please. 

I won’t be stalking my ex on social media. Let’s face it, looking at your ex’s social media accounts is a sure fire way to end up feeling crap. Maybe they have a new partner or maybe they’re still alone but they just look really bloody happy (the bastard). Either way, looking at ex’s social media accounts is always a no no for me but on V day, their accounts are especially off limits.

I won’t be going on dating apps. Dating apps are pretty horrific little bastards on normal days anyway, so to be scrolling through them on them on Valentine’s Day would probably be the most depressing thing in the world.

I will work out. After filling myself up with food that could probably feed a small town (or nation), I intend to work off those extra thousand calories because:

1. It’s self-improvement and who doesn’t love a bit of that every now and again?

2. Endorphins.

I won't begrudge others in relationships. It's around this time of year that on all social media platforms you'll see multiple photos of lavish gifts and surprises with 'The boy did good' as the caption. Happy in a relationship? Good for you! Happy and alone? Good for you too! I'll be honest, I don't particularly care if others parade their happiness in full view whilst I'm single, it really doesn't bother me. However, I do occasionally see a few green eyed monsters out there who seem to begrudge happy couples and them displaying it. Let the soppy couples be happy and focus on yo' self gurl. 

I won't moan about being single. I've been single for a while now and I can tell you's pretty fucking awesome. After coming out of what can only be described as a horrific relationship, I am more than happy to be single and happy, than be in a relationship and unhappy.

So how will all of you be spending your Valentines Day? Are you spending it with your significant other? Or loving it up alone? 

From me, to everyone else out there who is in or out of a relationship, I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines Day, whatever you get you to (Even if that's singing 'All By Myself' at full pelt, in front of your cat. At least he loves you)


Monday 8 February 2016

Why I don't adult well

Even though I work full time, have managed to keep an animal alive for nearly 12 years and even been smart enough not to set myself on fire (yet), there are just so many things that as a 27 year old I really should be (or shouldn't be) doing. Here are 10 reasons why I don't adult well.

1. I eat wayyyyyy too much out of date food. My motto is if it looks, smells and tastes good then you're good to go. But just for the record, if the zombie apocalypse does ever occur in my life time, it might be worth noting that I was probably patient zero harbouring some mutant gene...just sayin'.

2. I convince myself that I deserve bad food. Had a hard day at work? Why not console yourself with a Burger King? Good day at work? Why not celebrate with a Burger King?! Someone looked at you funny? Burger King! Too tired to cook? Burger King! Feeling hormonal? Burger King! Raining? Burger King! Full moon? Burger King! Do you still have arms?! BURGER KING!

3. I don't iron anything. But does it count if I do it with hair straighteners?

4. I pick spots. Even though I've been told not to for nearly 15 years of my life, I just can't stop myself! It's like those mini Vesuvius's are taunting me!

5. I forget every single password, to every single account I own, on a weekly basis. 
I'm not even kidding.

6. I'm never on time. I hate this trait and I'm sorry in advance. I don't mean to keep you waiting but I'm either admiring (stalking) someone on social media or talking to my cat. What can I say? I'm a very busy woman...

7. I procrastinate. Kirsty. Do you need to do something really important? Something so important, that if you don't do it it will impact your life massively in an awful way? You do?! *pffffffffftttttt* Lets put that on the back burner for a few months and carry on watching Friends marathons, even though I'm pretty sure you've seen every episode at least 7 times...

8. I hate the dark. And yes, I am convinced that there is a monster lurking somewhere in the shadows and yes, I am convinced it is plotting to scare me to death (literally) just so it can steal my soul! What's so crazy about that?!! (Many thanks to the film series Insidious for implementing horrific scary demon thoughts in my head. Assholes).

9. I never sleep at reasonable hours, for reasonable amounts of time. Gotta be up early? Why not start scrolling through your twitter feed at 3am, rereading the same tweets over and over again for another 40 minutes whilst EVERYONE ELSE SLEEPS, LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!

10. I talk to my cat as if he is a human and understands me.
Maybe this isn't so much as 'bad adulting' but more like insanity...

Are you bad at adulting? What are your worst bad adulting traits?
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